Mum told me that dad and I had got a letter. She opened it without dad seeing and found out it was from the step-daughter of Patient J. He used to be in the bed next to dad's at the hospital. The step-daughter used to visit every morning just like me.
It turns out that poor Patient J passed away a few weeks ago. He was getting better and then unfortunately had another attack and died. Poor patient J.
We've decided not to tell dad. It would get him very depressed.
Other news: dad's short term memory is a little muddled. He misplaced his credit card and mum was all in a tizz looking for it. Finally she called up the credit card company and they cancelled it. Then dad found his card on his desk.
Here in Bangkok, things are OK. But I'm looking at all the ramshackle pavements and all the roadworks, all the high curbs and dangerous holes. And I'm thinking: there's no way we'd get dad's wheelchair going around these streets. How do disabled people cope in Bangkok? Well, I guess they don't. Many are plonked on the streets by mafia gangs and stay there begging for pennies.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Day 71 - 75: Back in BKK
So, after 2 months, I'm back in Bangkok, hoping dad will be able to recover from his stroke by himself. Well with mum's help at least.
Do I feel guilty? Of course I do. But I also think that dad could possibly recover better without my constant fussing and bad temper.
Before I left, our ebay wheelchair arrived. One of the interesting things about buying disability equipment is that you don't have to pay the 17.5% VAT. Anyhow, the wheelchair is smart. It's light, easy to manoevre and easy to fold up.
I took dad out for a quick spin. Well it halves the time that it would take if I accompanied dad out walking. Of course, he should still practise his walking. I guess one of the most frustrating things is that now the wheelchair's arrived, there's nobody to push him around in it.
It was mid-Autumn festival, so we all had dinner in Chinatown. Dad was a bit subdued but I think he enjoyed it. Mother-in-law was there too. She's ever so sweet and kept inviting dad to come over and stay at her cottage in France.
We had to leave for Heathrow in the morning. It's better than hanging around. I'd written a letter to dad to remind him of his exercises, and how much progress he's made and how he must keep fighting.
Now that I'm in Bangkok, mum and dad phoned to say that the letter had made them cry. Dad says he feels OK. Good - it's one of those nasty Chinese days today.
Do I feel guilty? Of course I do. But I also think that dad could possibly recover better without my constant fussing and bad temper.
Before I left, our ebay wheelchair arrived. One of the interesting things about buying disability equipment is that you don't have to pay the 17.5% VAT. Anyhow, the wheelchair is smart. It's light, easy to manoevre and easy to fold up.
I took dad out for a quick spin. Well it halves the time that it would take if I accompanied dad out walking. Of course, he should still practise his walking. I guess one of the most frustrating things is that now the wheelchair's arrived, there's nobody to push him around in it.
It was mid-Autumn festival, so we all had dinner in Chinatown. Dad was a bit subdued but I think he enjoyed it. Mother-in-law was there too. She's ever so sweet and kept inviting dad to come over and stay at her cottage in France.
We had to leave for Heathrow in the morning. It's better than hanging around. I'd written a letter to dad to remind him of his exercises, and how much progress he's made and how he must keep fighting.
Now that I'm in Bangkok, mum and dad phoned to say that the letter had made them cry. Dad says he feels OK. Good - it's one of those nasty Chinese days today.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Day 70: Escort agency
This morning, just after my alarm went off, dad came into see me. He sat by my bedside and told me how precious I was to him and how sorry he was. He asked, "Do you think we will see each other again?" and started crying. It was very tearful. Of course we'll see each other, I told him. He still has this 'bad day' notion in his head.
Dad went out with care manager S. They were gone a long time, but when they returned dad was pleased with himself. They'd gone off and had Benjy's for lunch. I think Dad's got a liking for Benjy's now. Anyway, dad told S that he'd really like somebody to take him out, you know, shopping at Sainsbury's. Cos after I go to Bangkok, who would take him?
"Well, we have an escort agency," said S.
ooh-er!!
In the afternoon, the toe lady came. My dad's toes are quite tough and hadn't been cut since the stroke. She filed and tidied them up for him. She was very jolly.
Also, certain handle bars had been fixed to the bathroom and dad's special chair was changed to a smaller size.
And we even bought a wheelchair on ebay today. A lot achieved all round.
Dad went out with care manager S. They were gone a long time, but when they returned dad was pleased with himself. They'd gone off and had Benjy's for lunch. I think Dad's got a liking for Benjy's now. Anyway, dad told S that he'd really like somebody to take him out, you know, shopping at Sainsbury's. Cos after I go to Bangkok, who would take him?
"Well, we have an escort agency," said S.
ooh-er!!
In the afternoon, the toe lady came. My dad's toes are quite tough and hadn't been cut since the stroke. She filed and tidied them up for him. She was very jolly.
Also, certain handle bars had been fixed to the bathroom and dad's special chair was changed to a smaller size.
And we even bought a wheelchair on ebay today. A lot achieved all round.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Day 67-69: Disabled seating
I'm going to Thailand soon. I told dad. It was all a bit emotional. Though a couple of days ago, he did say that I was the one who drove him craziest!
Mum and I were nagging him to do his exercises but he acted like he didn't care. I had to walk out cos it was driving me a bit crazy. Mum blew her top and had a real go at him. He was very contrite after and did his exercises and then carried on as normal. I wish he would fight and fight the effects of the stroke.
This morning, I went into dad's room and he asked me to stay longer, because the dreaded days are coming up in the Chinese calendar, and he's still scared he will die on that day. But my husband won't like it if I change the plane tickets.
As for wheelchairs, apparently you can get some from the Red Cross, sort of like a long-term loan. Problem is is that they've run out. So ebay it is then.
Anyhow my real rant today is about the disabled seating on buses. Firstly, it's great that buses have them. BUT, able-bodied people love to sit on these seats and purposely look away when they see somebody who might need it. Schoolkids are actually quite good in this regard - they will give up their seats (just like I used to when I was young!). No, it's the grown-ups spreading their shopping over the adjacent seat who ignore the disabled/elderly's needs. Dispicable.
Mum and I were nagging him to do his exercises but he acted like he didn't care. I had to walk out cos it was driving me a bit crazy. Mum blew her top and had a real go at him. He was very contrite after and did his exercises and then carried on as normal. I wish he would fight and fight the effects of the stroke.
This morning, I went into dad's room and he asked me to stay longer, because the dreaded days are coming up in the Chinese calendar, and he's still scared he will die on that day. But my husband won't like it if I change the plane tickets.
As for wheelchairs, apparently you can get some from the Red Cross, sort of like a long-term loan. Problem is is that they've run out. So ebay it is then.
Anyhow my real rant today is about the disabled seating on buses. Firstly, it's great that buses have them. BUT, able-bodied people love to sit on these seats and purposely look away when they see somebody who might need it. Schoolkids are actually quite good in this regard - they will give up their seats (just like I used to when I was young!). No, it's the grown-ups spreading their shopping over the adjacent seat who ignore the disabled/elderly's needs. Dispicable.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Day 64-66: Chinese medicine
We took dad to see a Chinese doctor who specialises in Traditional Chinese Medicine. My brother fetched us and took us all the way there. This is what the doctor said:
- apparently there are two days every month which are considered 'dangerous'. Something to do with a change in the cosmos or climate. Anyhow, they're marked in the Chinese calendar and basically the advice is to take it easy. The doc says dad's stroke happened around one of these days.
- if a man's stroke affects his left side, it takes a lot longer to recover than if it was his right side. The other way round for women. Something to do with the yin and yang
He prescribed many pungent roots and herbs for dad. I have to soak, boil, simmer, strain, and re-boil them once every 2 days. It's a bit musty-smelling but not unbearable.
But now dad is convinced that on the next monthly 'bad days' he's going to die. Talk about twisting the doc's words. We've had to repeatedly try to get this notion out of his head. Not successfully.
It's affected dad's mood. He was very snappy to physio J ("Tell me what to do and I'll do it!!" when she was trying to instruct him on an exercise) and care manager S who asked dad if he wanted to do any cooking. "I don't want to cook anymore!"
- apparently there are two days every month which are considered 'dangerous'. Something to do with a change in the cosmos or climate. Anyhow, they're marked in the Chinese calendar and basically the advice is to take it easy. The doc says dad's stroke happened around one of these days.
- if a man's stroke affects his left side, it takes a lot longer to recover than if it was his right side. The other way round for women. Something to do with the yin and yang
He prescribed many pungent roots and herbs for dad. I have to soak, boil, simmer, strain, and re-boil them once every 2 days. It's a bit musty-smelling but not unbearable.
But now dad is convinced that on the next monthly 'bad days' he's going to die. Talk about twisting the doc's words. We've had to repeatedly try to get this notion out of his head. Not successfully.
It's affected dad's mood. He was very snappy to physio J ("Tell me what to do and I'll do it!!" when she was trying to instruct him on an exercise) and care manager S who asked dad if he wanted to do any cooking. "I don't want to cook anymore!"
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Day 59-63: camera shopping
One of dad's dreams is that the whole family should go out for dim sum together. We managed to do that on Saturday and this cheered him up immensely.
But even better was the trip to the camera shop afterwards. Dad is so keen on photography that he's a well-known face around small camera shops in central London. At this particular shop, the staff were very surprised to see him entering unsteadily with a walking stick. Dad told them all about his stroke.
It was actually me who wanted to buy a camera but it was dad who ended up getting one - a small Sony digital, super-light with a massive screen. Since then, he's been taking it everywhere and his energy levels have shot up.
Today, the physios came twice to see us. The second time, three of them came: our care manager S, physio J, and a neurologist expert K. K made dad do loads of shoulder exercises in front of the mirror so he could see how lop-sided his body was.
We're going for a more directive approach to dad's physio exercises: a timetable with specific instructions rather than loads of different exercises and dad picking and choosing the ones he can do.
But dad was frustrated and complained that so many people had come to see him so many times, and he still wasn't better. He expects immediate results and blames everyone else when they don't come. I was pretty pissed off: S and J have been excellent. I honestly only have praise for our borough's rehabilitation service.
I know dad's feelings are largely affected by the stroke. But I still need to speak out if I think he's being unfair. I told him what I thought: everyone was working really hard for his benefit. He needs to put in the effort too, and not be distracted by, for example, taking pictures of his physio session. And he's made a lot of progress. Wish he could see that.
But even better was the trip to the camera shop afterwards. Dad is so keen on photography that he's a well-known face around small camera shops in central London. At this particular shop, the staff were very surprised to see him entering unsteadily with a walking stick. Dad told them all about his stroke.
It was actually me who wanted to buy a camera but it was dad who ended up getting one - a small Sony digital, super-light with a massive screen. Since then, he's been taking it everywhere and his energy levels have shot up.
Today, the physios came twice to see us. The second time, three of them came: our care manager S, physio J, and a neurologist expert K. K made dad do loads of shoulder exercises in front of the mirror so he could see how lop-sided his body was.
We're going for a more directive approach to dad's physio exercises: a timetable with specific instructions rather than loads of different exercises and dad picking and choosing the ones he can do.
But dad was frustrated and complained that so many people had come to see him so many times, and he still wasn't better. He expects immediate results and blames everyone else when they don't come. I was pretty pissed off: S and J have been excellent. I honestly only have praise for our borough's rehabilitation service.
I know dad's feelings are largely affected by the stroke. But I still need to speak out if I think he's being unfair. I told him what I thought: everyone was working really hard for his benefit. He needs to put in the effort too, and not be distracted by, for example, taking pictures of his physio session. And he's made a lot of progress. Wish he could see that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
