Day 42: I am Boots

Boom boom! Boom boom boom! Thumping in my dream. Boom boom! Suddenly I was wide awake and sprang out of bed. It was 3.30 am and I ran towards the toilet - no nothing. Then to my dad's room. No, nothing?! Back to the toilet and there was dad sat on the ground. "Oh, did you hear me?" he asked all matter-of-fact? Well, I guess so! Though I wonder how long he'd been there. He'd lost his balance whilst trying to reach the toilet. I pulled him onto his feet and then took him back to his bedroom. It was hard to get back to sleep.

In the morning, I met dad's carer who helps him wash. I have to be frank here: she was a real miserable character - grumpy, taciturn and unpleasant. I really tried to engage her in conversation, honestly! But she obviously didn't want to be friendly, plainly disliked her job. Crumbs, isn't a stroke difficult enough without waking up to this misery? She made dad his breakfast and then as son as he'd finished, she whipped the cereal bowl away. Dad is not enamoured with her.

I accompanied dad out of our council flat block, through the estate and down to the shops. He walked ok with me supporting one side and his aluminium stick on the other. We bought Dad's favourite Daily Mail. On the way back, we met a woman with a walking stick and Dad engaged her in conversation. She told him that her friend had had a stroke and only now, after three months, can she start to move her fingers. That gave some hope to Dad.

He was very tired after the walk. He likes to sit on the balcony to catch the afternoon sun.

I cooked dinner which my husband wolfed down. But dad's taste buds have somehow been deadened. All the food he was looking forward to eating has become plain, boring. This deepens his depression.

We laid out Dad's medicines. In the morning he takes 75mg aspirin, an anti-clotting drug, and something to line his stomach against the aspirin. In the evening, he takes senna, the anti-clotting drug again, and 40mg of simavastatin (for cholesterol lowering). He also takes some Chinese fungi medicine. "I am like a pharmacy," dad commented. "I am Boots."